IFHNY

"I wanna be a part of it...NY NY"

So I came home from work last night and one of my wonderful new roommates was all flustered. “Why are you flustered?” I asked. She was flustered because she had to travel to New York. Plain and simple, she had to go there in order to fly to Costa Rica for the week. And the biggest worry she had was being in NY. Not a new third world country. NY.

Naturally Walker and I were discussing the events of the day during our late night semi-regular recap, and this subject came up.

Los – “Mel’s distraught about traveling to New York en route to Costa Rica, and I don’t blame her, NY sucks.”

Walker - “You don’t like New York?”

Los – “I fucking hate New York.”

Walker – “Why?”

and here is the bulk of the reason for the post.

Y IFHNY.

1. You smell like a combination of homeless pants, urine, rat/chinesefood, sewer malfunction and Jason Giambi’s hair (yes I know he was traded, but that hair is repulsive)

2. You sound like a mechanical automated souless machine stuck in reverse.

3. You are decaying. Your core is rotted and you have been sitting on your laurels (1920-1960) with no positive action since.

4. With the exception of the New York Giants and Peyton Jr.  You have done nothing in the realm of athletics for the last 10 years.

5. Rats.

6. Hipsters.

7. The amount of money it costs to visit…is retarded.

8. The Yankees.

9. You think you are the greatest city in the country, but fail to notice that in all the years that you have been asserting that, you have lost a grip on reality.

10. You killed Broadway.

11. You made Times Square look like a plastic surgery addict gone horribly wrong.

12. Your neighborhoods are so gentrified, and still blase and boring.

13. You are rude.

14. Pushy.

15. Your subway, while the biggest, baddest, most efficient, makes me feel like I’m either a. going to get arrested because someone is saying something about seeing something, or b. shot. (or c. both)

16. You are a soul sucker. People are raised to go there to follow their dreams, and then they are cornered in, and become just another lemming. You promise big and deliver small. Just like the2001-2009 Yankees/Mets/Jets/Knicks.

17. You also stole one of “her” from me.

18. Wall Street. That’s all, just Wall Street.

19. Bernie Madoff.

20. The Yankees.

That is the gist of what i said.

Walker agreed on a factual level, and god bless his soul, those things haven’t led him to hate NY.

Yet.